Liverpool are reportedly ready to rival Juventus for the signature of Gabriel Heinze, but the Manchester United defender is remaining tight-lipped about his future until after the Copa America (Sky Sports.)
Liverpool midfielder Luis Garcia has hinted he would be interested in a possible swap deal with Fernando Torres (Sky Sports.)
The Englishman’s wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place
her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of
underwear.
“Good God, woman! Why aren’t you wearing any knickers?” her husband
demanded.
“Well, you don’t give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.”
The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, “For
the sake of decency, here’s £30. Go and buy yourself some underwear.”
Next, the Irishman’s wife bends over to set her ball on the tee.
Her skirt also blows up to show that she is wearing no undies either.
“Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You’ve no knickers. Why not?”
She replies, “I can’t afford any on the money you give me.”
He reaches into his pocket and says, “For the sake of decency,
here’s £20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!”
Lastly, the Scotsman’s wife bends over. The wind also takes her
skirt over her head to reveal that she too is naked under it.
“Sweet mudder of Jesus, Aggie! Where the frig are yer drawers?”
She too explains, “You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta
affarrd any.”
The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, “Well, fer the love ‘o Jasus,
‘n the sake of decency, here’s a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit.”
Bono, the lead singer of the band U2 is famous throughout the entertainment industry for being more than just a little self-righteous.
He is playing a U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland when he asks the audience for total quiet.
Then in the silence, he starts to slowly clap his hands, once every few seconds.
Holding the audience in total silence, he says into the microphone, “Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies.”
A voice with a broad Scottish accent, from near the front of the crowd, pierces the silence………….
“Well, fukin stop doin it then!”
Newcastle boss Sam Allardyce hopes to sign either PSG defender David Rozehnal, Marseille’s Habib Beye or Liverpool’s Sami Hyypia this week. (Daily Mirror)
Juventus and Roma are targeting Liverpool striker Craig Bellamy. (Various)
The Reds want Roma to follow up their interest as it raises the possibility of an exchange for their £10m-rated Brazilian winger Mancini. (Independent)
Charlton striker Darren Bent has told Liverpool and Tottenham he will go to the club that gives him the best chance of being an England regular. (Daily Mirror)
Liverpool owners George Gillett and Tom Hicks have vowed to give manager Rafael Benitez money to splash out in the transfer market following rumours of unrest at the club. (Daily Mirror)
Liverpool are poised to make a £25m swoop for Atletico Madrid striker Fernando Torres. (Various)
Rafa Benitez also wants to pip Newcastle, Sunderland and Aston Villa to Villarreal’s £15.5m striker Diego Forlan. (Daily Mail)
Stockport boss Jim Gannon has accused Liverpool of breaching Premier League rules by luring teenage keeper Ben Robinson to Anfield. (Daily Star)
Liverpool will increase their bid for West Ham’s Yossi Benayoun to £4.5m. (Various)
Liverpool’s hopes of landing Fernando Torres have hit a setback as Atletico Madrid are refusing to drop their £27m asking price.
Manchester City defender Micah Richards has pledged his future to the club despite interest from Chelsea, Arsenal and Liverpool. (The People)
Liverpool have rejected the chance to re-sign Michael Owen, who was offered by Newcastle in exchange for John Arne Riise and Craig Bellamy. (Various)
Last week was rather quiet on the Liverpool rumour front. I really hope we don’t sign Forlan, he was crap for United so why the hell would we want him? We had Heskey, they had Forlan, I’d rather Heskey came back!
Liverpool could set their sights on £16m Diego Forlan rather than Barcelona’s £35m-rated Samuel Eto’o. (The Times)
Lyon could start an auction to sell Florent Malouda, with Liverpool, Chelsea, Arsenal and AC Milan all interested. (Daily Express)
West Ham are chasing Tottenham striker Jermain Defoe and Liverpool frontman Craig Bellamy. (Daily Mirror)
Liverpool have left West Ham fuming after launching an “insulting” £1m bid for midfielder Yossi Benayoun. (Daily Mirror)
Charlton striker Darren Bent is a target for Liverpool and Tottenham after turning down West Ham. (Daily Mirror)
Charlton striker Darren Bent rejected a £17m move to West Ham because he wants to join Liverpool. (Daily Mirror)
And the Hammers could start with a swoop for Liverpool striker Craig Bellamy. (Daily Express)
Yossi Benayoun wants to quit West Ham for Liverpool. (The Guardian)
Liverpool midfield target Yossi Benayoun will tell West Ham he wants to leave when he returns from holiday this week. (The People)
Liverpool have opened talks with Real Zaragoza striker Diego Milito. (Various)
Liverpool manager Rafael Benitez’s future at the club could be decided in a showdown with new owners George Gillett and Tom Hicks this week. (News of the World)
Okay on first glance nothing funny about this picture. Although this advert is for KY Jelly and where has the bollard gone?
Credit to
http://nortygordytherudeone.blogspot.com/2007/06/personal-lubricant.html
The State of the British Nation!
CLASSIC VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building
his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper
thinks he’s a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer
away.
Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The shivering
grasshopper
has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
THE END
THE PC BRITISH VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building
his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper
thinks he’s a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer
away.
Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.
The shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to
know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while
others less fortunate, like him, are cold and starving.
The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering
grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the ant in his
comfortable warm
home with a table laden with food.
Britons are stunned that in a country of such wealth, this poor
grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty.
The Labour Party, Greenpeace and The Grasshopper Council of GB
demonstrate in front of the ant’s house. The BBC, interrupting a
Jamaican cultural festival special from Notting Hill with breaking
news, broadcasts them singing “We Shall Overcome”
Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald
that the
ant has gotten rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls
for an
immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his “fair share”.
In response to polls, the Labour Government drafts the Economic
Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the
beginning of the summer.
The ant’s taxes are reassessed, and he is also fined for
failing to
hire grasshoppers as helpers.
Without enough money to pay both the fine and his newly imposed
retroactive taxes, the government repossesses his home.
The ant moves to Spain, and starts a successful wine-exporting
company.
A Panorama special later shows the now fat grasshopper
finishing up
the last of the ant’s food, though Spring is still months away,
while the council house he is in, which just happens to be the
ant’s
old house, crumbles around him because he hasn’t bothered to
maintain it.
Inadequate government funding is blamed, Trevor Phillips is
appointed to head a commission of enquiry that will cost
£10,000,000.
The grasshopper is soon dead of a drug overdose, the Daily Mirror
blames it on the obvious failure of government to address the root
causes of despair arising from social inequity.
The abandoned house is taken over by a gang of immigrant spiders,
praised by the government for enriching Britain’s multicultural
diversity, who promptly set up a marijuana plantation and
terrorise
the community.
THE END
robert | 
06 30th, 2007| 
