The State of the British Nation!
CLASSIC VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building
his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper
thinks he’s a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer
away.
Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The shivering
grasshopper
has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
THE END
THE PC BRITISH VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building
his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper
thinks he’s a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer
away.
Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.
The shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to
know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while
others less fortunate, like him, are cold and starving.
The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering
grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the ant in his
comfortable warm
home with a table laden with food.
Britons are stunned that in a country of such wealth, this poor
grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty.
The Labour Party, Greenpeace and The Grasshopper Council of GB
demonstrate in front of the ant’s house. The BBC, interrupting a
Jamaican cultural festival special from Notting Hill with breaking
news, broadcasts them singing “We Shall Overcome”
Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald
that the
ant has gotten rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls
for an
immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his “fair share”.
In response to polls, the Labour Government drafts the Economic
Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the
beginning of the summer.
The ant’s taxes are reassessed, and he is also fined for
failing to
hire grasshoppers as helpers.
Without enough money to pay both the fine and his newly imposed
retroactive taxes, the government repossesses his home.
The ant moves to Spain, and starts a successful wine-exporting
company.
A Panorama special later shows the now fat grasshopper
finishing up
the last of the ant’s food, though Spring is still months away,
while the council house he is in, which just happens to be the
ant’s
old house, crumbles around him because he hasn’t bothered to
maintain it.
Inadequate government funding is blamed, Trevor Phillips is
appointed to head a commission of enquiry that will cost
£10,000,000.
The grasshopper is soon dead of a drug overdose, the Daily Mirror
blames it on the obvious failure of government to address the root
causes of despair arising from social inequity.
The abandoned house is taken over by a gang of immigrant spiders,
praised by the government for enriching Britain’s multicultural
diversity, who promptly set up a marijuana plantation and
terrorise
the community.
THE END